Where are we lost?

In life there are times when you need to stand back and reevaluate whats going on really in your life.

Is it really what you really really wanted to do that you are doing now? Is is what you set out to do? Is it happiness that you get with what you do? or is is just a savage satisfaction from beating a co-worker in the appraisal.

The meaning of life is different to different people, everybody interprets it the way they want to.

Now i don't want to sound too philosophical here, but i really am faced with this reality now.

As a child i was so happy, so free and so full of enthusiasm, so naive, s full of glee. If i think of the things i have done as a child, i am shocked of my mettlesome capabilities ..

I mean really how many of you can boast of having streaked around as dressed up as much as the day you were born, through an entire farm, with the farmers(who are in fact distant relatives, in a village, everybody is related. period) laughing at you and the cows ruminating and staring at you politely ... and dogs, giving you that tilt of the head and staring at you as if they always knew something was wrong with you all the times you were chasing them around the place .....

Really .. I was not too much of a social being, more like a loner all my life, but that never stopped me from having my share of fun, more than my share probably ....
Once while in 5th or so, when normal children have some sort of common sense, (the person who delivers common sense arrived late in my case, he couldn't find me, never was in a place long enough for him to trace me) ... i was bored and decided to make mix soap & water and just when i thought the consistency was good enough, i went over to the staircase of the building and spilled the concoction all over the 2nd and 3rd steps and carefully stepped away from the mess and returned to my other important experiments .... after about 10 mins there was a thud and a scream(more of a yelp) .... the parents of the young couple next door had taken a mighty fall, a la Humpty Dumpty .... I couldn't suppress my laughter and glee at the grand success of my elaborately planned out event.... but as i found out later mom, apparently didn't find it funny ..... After i saw her rushing at me with a cane in her hand, the next thing i remember is me in the bed, with mom, dad, brother, and the couple next door all staring at me .... now that i think of it, it was really funny ..... i still laugh when i remember that ....

Being a loner is not always the case with me, and when sometimes i did have the cheek to get down for the occasional cricket match .. i made sure i made it to the headlines .... I also agree I'm not good at the game, wait a minute, let me rephrase ... i suck at cricket and the point was proved when i took the ball ... called the Kit-Kat ball,(for reasons I'm yet to fathom although i do faintly recollect the manufacturer's name being Kit-Kat) ... anyways that turned out to be a pretty bad decision ... The ball you see is supposed to be thrown(or bowled, does it really make a difference?) at or at least near the stumps ..... but i being the smart one, tried to bowl a nice fast ball to bowl out the batsman like a classical Venkatesh Prasad(the guy who literally tore down the stumps of some Pakistani player in a cricket match after the later had hit him for a four).... but the ball probably sensed my nervousness and inexperience and decided to leave my hand a while before i intended to throw it ... as a result it left and head straight to the balcony window situated strategically above the stumps ..... and by some strange coincidence this balcony was OURS and my dear hardworking dad had just fit in some nice sliding windows over it to keep the dust out .... but apparently it wasn't designed to keep out a simple hard-plastic cricket ball .... anyways .. i leave out the inefficiency of the glass makers here ... but the ball smashed right through the beautiful pane ... and lets just say that was the end of my cricketing career(if at all there was one) .....

These are just two of the millions or so awesome incidents that built up my childhood .... and now what ... am stuck with work, deadlines, targets, budgeting money, and all the lousy things that come with being a responsible adult .... no quality time for myself... Where is the fun? Except from spending some time with friends ... nothing else remains ....

I also was a voracious reader once upon time ... any book given to me would be devoured in max of three days, three days only if the book had the consistency of a brick ... else a day would suffice ..... all that passion .. just gone ... don't know where .... lost somewhere ... hidden away deep somewhere in the daily grind of life ....

But all is not gone, i still have the same love for music as ever, if it is possible .. it has increased manifold ..... it is the one thing that soothes me, excites me, romances me, makes me cry, makes me laugh, calms me down, makes me strut around the room while holding a sweater and singing to it as if it were my beloved ..... Music is so beautiful that words fail to describe it ..... probably in another post I'll try to do justice to its beauty, while i know I'll fail miserably, whats the harm in trying ...

But one thing's for sure, i really am going to try and get my life back, the life which was fun and whacky, doing stuff just because you think it'll be fun, to just risk it all and feel your hair stand on end when you do the dangerous and forbidden .....

Don't lose yourselves friends, regain the vitality and be a child again ... do things u used to do before ..... and see that the view really hasn't changed .. its person viewing it who has ....